The Best Ways to Have Sex

Published: February 22, 2014

Sex is like oxygen:  it's only a problem if you're not getting any.  Here's a list of all the ways that you should be having sex.  Preferably with as many attractive, disease-free, uncomplicated, and fun ways.  You'll feel better and won't be the creepy guy/girl in the corner who just likes to knit.

 

 

  1. Anal Sex

    I'm not sure why there's such a stigma towards Anal sex.  One can even imagine the origins of cave men staring at a vagina and thinking, "Hmmm, what does this thing do?"  And just like a yo-yo, it's fun for boys and girls.

    For God's sake though, do be gentle we are not all porn stars, so please use some lube!  And, ask nicely!

     

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anal_sex

     

  2. BDSM

    Slave, master.  Sure, its sounds like that terrible office job you once had, but don't you know that you're missing out?  For every person that thinks that they're going to get whipped or that they can get hurt, there's multitudes that are getting on with their kinky selves.  Why not just get it over with and buy that dungeon kit you've been waiting for?  Your partner will finally thank you... or spank you!

     

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM

  3. Oral Sex

    People have holes.  And those holes need to be filled with something besides food and babies.  The mouth is one of the most sensual organs there is.  And it is also one of the most sensitive, too!  I've had boyfriends whom I could take their heart beat from my tongue.  There's levels of intimacy you are missing out on!

     

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oral_sex

  4. Peaking

    Maybe you don't want to get off the rollercoaster just yet.  Maybe you want to go again... and again... and again... This is where peaking comes in.  All it takes is knowing your body and your partner's body.  Want to make them cum harder, want it longer, and beg you for your sexual talents, you stud?  Try bringing them to their peak and backing off...  That's okay, you can thank me later.  

     

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orgasm_control

  5. Dry Humping

    If you're reading this, hopefully you are not a teenager.  Or, maybe you are, which I would guess would be okay, right.  Don't arrest me, but dry-humping is something that long-term couples simply don't do anymore.  WHY?  You can do it in public without fear of getting arrested, you can do it on the dancefloor while everyone cheers you on.  You can even do it while waiting for the bus!  

     

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dry_humping

There's many, many other ways that you can have sex, but that will have to be for another list.  Until then, give these a shot and see if you don't walk down the street with a grin on your face and the cashier wondering what type of medication you're on.