Top 3 Reasons to Get Into Soccer

Published: November 27, 2013

The MLS has been around for 18ish years now in North America, and has finally surpassed the NHL and NBA in attendance.  With 19 established teams and a few more in the works (NYC, Orlando, Miami) there's probably a team out there you can get into.  Here's why you should:

  1. Beer Drinking

    Tailgating parties outside football stadiums are so 1990's.  The new way to get acceptably drunk in public is at a soccer stadium.  By "acceptably drunk" I mean fans regularly fall down the stadium stairs, the floor is generally covered in 1-3 inches of beer foam by the end of the game, and cops regularly patrol the outside of the stadium for easy DUIs when things are over.  If you like drinking beer, or like taking flasks into sporting events (most stadiums sell liquor but for $8 a shot you aren't getting properly drunk that way) soccer is for you.  

    90% of the fans in this picture are drunk, trust me

     

  2. Less Commercialism

    Soccer games consist of two 45-minute halves, for a total of 90 minutes.  During those 45 minutes, the players just run around kicking things nonstop, meaning there's no chance to go to a commercial break.  There are no time out or pauses so things don't stop for shin kicks and concussions, the game just goes on.  It's great, although TV stations hate it because they can't advertise. 

     

    Also, pro soccer players get paid an average of $50,000 a year.  That's far, far less than the millions that other pro athletes make, meaning these people are playing because they're actually quite good at soccer, not money grubbing assholes.  It's a sport you can feel morally good about getting into.  

  3. Rivalries

    Seattle vs Portland games have started riots.  

    Fans publicly cry in the streets. 

    It's all in great fun to set opponent's things on fire.  

I hated soccer at first, but my roommate at the time forced me to watch it until I liked it.  Took about three years.  I started off by laughing at them every time they fell down, and then looking out for all the sneaky face punches that go on behind the ref's back.  Eventually I appreciated the skill of the game.  So don't give up, give soccer a try. 

 

The MLS Playoff Final's are coming up this December between SLC and Sporting Kansas City, two great teams that deserve to be there.  Watch it, drink beer, enjoy.