Top Ten College Beers

Published: February 12, 2015

There's a time and a place for your stouts and your IPAs but college is not one of them.  Heres a guide to the cheapest, piss poor beers that are the staple of a college student.

  1. Natural Light

    Ahhh Natty light, no one actually likes it but no list of college beers would be complete without it.  It is the cheapest of the cheap, the nastiest of the nasty, but it's only 92 calories a can and has a respectable 4.2% alcohol by volume so drink up you crazy frat boy you!

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  2. Natural Ice

    Now we're finally getting somewhere.  Natty light's slutty fat friend packs a wallop at 5.9% alcohol.  You gotta be careful with how many of these you shotgun.  Also this has a full 157 calories per can which can quickly add layers to your gut if you don't do your cardio.  It also costs roughly the same as natty light so if your looking to rage, it's the better option.  Still tastes bad though so be careful.

  3. Keystone Ice

    Diverging from Anheuser-Busch's family of less than savory beverages, who can forget our solid old friend Keystone Ice.  Keystone weighs in at 143 calories a can which slightly undercuts Natty Ice so you can have a Keystone instead of a Natty and then you have enough calories to spare to eat a small bit of whipped cream whatever creative method you can dream up. They have the same alcohol content at 5.9% so why not?

  4. Milwuakee's Best Ice

    Milwuakee's Best and Keystone are actually both produce by MillerCoors and have the same exact alcohol content and almost the same amount of calories.  At this point, its really a matter of personal preference for taste. It is kinda cool that it looks like a sprite in your hand.

  5. Steel Reserve

    Up until now, we've been talking about number of calories in a can.  You don't measure steel reserve by the 12 oz can. You measure it in 40 Oz bottles dawg! Arguably the most efficient way to get sloshed with a whopping 8.1% alcohol content and its dirt cheap.  Forget about the calories, you obviously dont care how much there is if your drinking over a damn quart of the stuff.

  6. Miller High Life

    Unlike the beers mentioned so far which all cost relatively similar, your gonna have to shell out another 50 cents to a dollar for a 30 rack of high life but it is soooo worth it.  Truly the champagne of beers. The finish is so smooth you would think you were just caressing a well sanded piece of wood with your gullet. It has an alcohol content of 5.5% and 156 calories per can.

  7. Miller Lite

    At just 96 calories a can, you can drink this stuff like water.  The scholarly concensus is that Miller Lite is the very best chugging beer that barley has to offer.  The major drawback however is that the alcohol volume barely ranks over a soft drink though at a mere 4.2%.

  8. Coors Light

    The silver bullet.  The can with the blue mountains.  Coors is the gimmick beer but it also holds up well to the competition.  It may lack the smoothness of Miller High Life but it tastes slightly less like water than Miller lite. This is likely due to the extra 6 calories it has over Miller lite at 102.  I'm not sure why I'm ranking this so highly. Their advertising must be getting to me. Yeah coors sucks come to think of it.

  9. Bud Light

    Yes.  Bud Light.  The ultimate balance between taste and lack of calories.  I'd almost go as far as to say that Bud Light actually tastes good. Bud Light has an alcohol content of 4.2%, 110 calories per can and an advertising budget of over 50 Million.  I mean those commercials are everywhere.  Here. We. Go.

  10. Straw-ber-ita

    Wait what? The ultimate college beer isn't even a beer at all? This is blowing my mind.  But those little cans really do taste soooo good and are loaded with sugar so don't even ask about the calorie content. just dont't. But those beautiful little cans do go down so fine.

So thats the list. I hope we all learned something today. remember, drink responsibly.  Source for all the numbers comes from alcoholcontents.com